Ridge Warns: "Injuns" Planning Major Attack At Little Big Horn

Tom Ridge announced today the raising of the Terror Alert Level to "RED" in the state of Montana, citing intelligence that indicates a group of Indian insurgents, led by wanted terrorist Crazy Horse, are planning to attack General Custer and the 7th Cavalry in the Valley of the Little Big Horn. Ridge says this information was gleaned from intercepted smoke signals between the Sioux and Cheyenne tribes, along with clues hidden on the back of labels from 40 oz. bottles of Crazy Horse Malt Liquor.

While Ridge admits this intelligence, which dates back to 1876, is a "little dated" he insists the threat is still real. "This is the most significant, detailed piece of information about any particular region that we have come across in a long, long time, perhaps ever," he said, adding, "We don't do politics in the Department of Homeland Security. This is not about politics. It's about confidence in government."